Meghan Markle’s antics are so predictable you could set a clock by them. Every time the royals step out for a major engagement, there she is—right on cue—to remind the world she still exists. It’s textbook Meghan: the royals do something noteworthy, and she scrambles for a headline, pretending she’s too unbothered to care while transparently clawing for relevance. She’s like a moth to the Windsor flame—except even moths have the dignity to burn out quietly. Meghan, on the other hand, throws herself into the spotlight with all the grace of a whack-a-mole, popping up with yet another desperate PR stunt, hoping to steal some headlines.

You’d think by now she’d at least try to switch up the strategy, but no. It’s the same tired routine: ride the royals’ coattails, hijack their moments, and pretend it’s all just a coincidence. At this point, I’m sure she has a war room covered in pinned-up royal schedules, a telescope aimed at Buckingham Palace, and a Google alert set for “Prince William breathed today.” She’s got tabs on them tighter than the tabloids do, orchestrating her sad little attention grabs with all the subtlety of a foghorn.

The desperation isn’t just obvious—it’s embarrassing. Meghan’s motives are a mess of insecurity, spite, and an insatiable need for validation. She had a taste of the royal spotlight—briefly, sure, but long enough to get addicted—and now she can’t stand the fact that the world keeps spinning without her. Hollywood didn’t want her, the Palace sent her packing, and now she’s stuck in limbo, desperately clinging to any scrap of attention to prove she’s more than just Harry’s plus-one.

And let’s not forget the spite. She’s not just keeping tabs on the royals—she’s actively trying to leech off their moments, determined to make sure they can’t shine without her shadow creeping in. It’s the social equivalent of a kid who wasn’t invited to the party, so she throws a louder, tackier one next door, hoping someone—anyone—will peek over the fence. Pathetic? Absolutely. But at this point, that’s all she’s got left. You’d almost feel sorry for her… if it weren’t so laughable.

Meghan Markle’s latest business move has left many scratching their heads. With a new trademark filing for baking mixes—think cookies, biscuits, and crepes—it seems the Duchess of Sussex is venturing into the food industry. But is this a winning strategy? Let’s break it down.

Food is a notoriously tough market to crack. Companies often go under trying to compete in the grocery space, which is fiercely competitive. Even if Meghan plans to sell her products online, the challenges remain significant.

For starters, shelf space in supermarkets is a premium. Brands pay hefty fees to secure spots, and established players like Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines dominate the scene. Breaking into this market requires deep pockets and a unique selling point—something Meghan’s brand, American Riviera Orchard, hasn’t yet demonstrated.

Food products come with another major hurdle: spoilage. Unlike durable goods like jewelry or clothing, baking mixes and jams have a limited shelf life. This means Meghan would need specialized storage solutions, adding to her overhead costs. And if products don’t sell quickly, they risk going to waste—a financial and logistical nightmare.

One of the biggest setbacks for Meghan’s brand is her inability to sell clothing. A Chinese company already holds the trademark for her brand name in that category, leaving her with fewer options. Clothing, unlike food, doesn’t spoil and can be a long-term revenue generator. Imagine the potential of a line of T-shirts or scarves with her signature aesthetic—far more appealing than pancake mixes.

Meghan’s pivot to food products has drawn comparisons to Betty Crocker. But here’s the thing: Betty Crocker has decades of brand loyalty and market dominance. Meghan’s brand, on the other hand, lacks a clear identity or unique value proposition. Why should consumers choose her mixes over established brands or homemade recipes?

A successful brand needs a compelling story. Why does Meghan’s brand exist? What makes it different? So far, these questions remain unanswered. Without a strong narrative, it’s hard to see how American Riviera Orchard will stand out in a crowded market.

One potential lifeline for Meghan’s brand could be a physical store. Selling her products in a dedicated retail space, perhaps in Montecito, might attract local customers and tourists. However, this approach comes with its own set of challenges, including high overhead costs and the need for consistent foot traffic.