Now, let’s break this down, shall we? First, we have the freebie fiasco. Apparently, Meghan and Jessica were using the royal name to get their hands on luxury goods faster than you can say “God Save the Queen.” We’re talking designer clothes, fancy skincare, probably even gold-plated teapots for all we know. They were treating these high-end brands like their personal Costco, and the currency was royal clout.

But here’s where it gets juicy. They weren’t just hoarding these freebies like some kind of post-dragon’s treasure. No, that would be too simple for our dynamic duo. Instead, they were allegedly turning around and selling these items for profit. That’s right, folks—the Duchess of Sussex, fifth in line to the throne, was essentially running a royal yard sale. Can you imagine? Gently used tiara, only worn once to disappoint the queen. Asking price: your firstborn child and a small kingdom.

But wait, there’s more. As if scamming luxury goods wasn’t enough, they were apparently double-dipping by billing good old King Charles for various expenses. It’s like she took one look at the royal coffers and thought, “You know what this needs? A touch of Hollywood accounting.”

Now, I can already hear some of you out there defending Meghan. You’re saying, “Maybe she was trying to save the taxpayers some money. Maybe she was redistributing wealth.” To which I say, if that’s wealth distribution, then I’m the king of England. No, what we’re looking at here, if these allegations are true, is a level of grift that would make the most seasoned con artists tip their hat in absolute respect.

Let’s not forget, this is coming from Jessica Mulroney—the same Jessica who was once Meghan’s ride-or-die, her Canadian concierge, the woman who was there for all the big moments. So why is she spilling the tea now? Is this a case of revenge served ice-cold, or is Jessica trying to get ahead of a story that was bound to come out anyway?

Harry: “Darling, that’s a lovely new handbag. Is it new?”

Meghan: “Oh, this old thing? I’ve had it for ages. Now, can you sign the expense report for your dad? It’s for royal stuff.”

Jokes aside, if there’s any truth to these allegations, it could have serious consequences. We’re not just talking about a slap on the wrist or a strongly worded letter. This is the kind of scandal that could lead to investigations and legal action. It’s like finding out your favorite influencer’s authentic posts are all paid promotions.