The Rings of Power has just revealed the most absurd detail imaginable about Season 2

Tom Bombadil

CREDIT: AMAZON

The Rings Of Power, Amazon’s big, absurdly expensive Lord Of The Rings fan-fiction project, returns to Prime Video this August for its second season.

We’ve been learning little tidbits about the upcoming season over the past few weeks, including the inclusion of a fan-favorite from Fellowship of the Ring: the mysterious, and rather jolly, Tom Bombadil.

When I first learned this news, I was a bit worried, writing this headline:

I did note that I was excited to see Bombadil on screen since Peter Jackson left him out of his trilogy. But I also pointed out that the first season was really, really terrible and it seems likely that showrunners J.D. Payne and Patrick Mckay will not do the character justice. At the time, we learned from an interview in Variety that Bombadil would be “slightly more interventionist than you see in the books, but only by 5% or 10%.”

Now, over at GameSpot, we’re given yet another percentage to work with: 25%. That’s the amount of dialogue Bombadil has in the show that’s plucked directly from the books. Here’s the passage in question:

A quarter of the character’s dialogue comes straight from the books, and the writers meticulously researched how JRR Tolkien adapted Anglo Saxon verse to create the rest. “One of the moments I love best about this season is when The Stranger asks, ‘Who are you?’ And Bombadil just says, ‘Eldest.’ He’s wacky and sings songs, but when he says that, you get this sense of, “Oh, he’s been around for thousands of years.'”

Is that the sense you get? Really?

The sense I’m getting is nonsense. Somehow the showrunners of The Rings Of Power think it makes sense to give Bombadil a bunch of dialogue from Fellowship of the Ring despite being in a totally different age of Middle-earth, in a totally different region of Middle-earth and speaking with totally different characters. This isn’t how you craft a character. People don’t just say the same things to everyone they meet especially after a few thousands years have passed. Of course, that’s what passes for dialogue in Rings of Power which had Young Gandalf telling Nori, “If in doubt, always follow your nose” just like Old Gandalf says in Lord of the Rings when he says “If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose.”

Oh wow, a callback. Cool.

The terrible, infuriating impulse so many writers have when they adapt something or create a spinoff or a prequel is this need to include easter eggs and clumsy fan-service at every turn.

In True Detective: Night Country, the scientist Raymond—while in the throes of some serious police brutality—blurted out randomly: “Time is a flat circle!” Just because. Not because it made sense for his character or because he had any ties to Reggie Ledoux, the creepy meth cook who says it in Season 1. No, it’s just to throw fans a bone. It’s a thin pretense at actual depth, borrowing lines from better writers and hoping nobody sees through the smoke and mirrors.

In The Acolyte’s season finale, lines from Return of the Jedi were paraphrased in the most egregious fashion—just because. Not because it makes any actual sense, but because it’s a callback. Oh how modern Hollywood adores its callbacks.

You see, with enough callbacks you can pretend that you have respect for the IP that you’re slowly dismantling, that you’re slowly turning into Content that the almighty algorithm churns out. A well-placed easter egg might convince us that you’re an actual fan rather than an imposter. Bombadil says “Eldest” and you tell us how deep and profound that is, and how deep and profound that must make you even though you’ve just copy-pasted a word from a better author’s work.

The really sad thing is—the thing that keeps me up nights—modern audiences just love this stuff. They rush to reddit and social media gushing over the laziest possible little callbacks and easter eggs, turning them into memes and TikToks, while I—dear reader—shake my fist at clouds.

Here’s the passage ‘Edlest’ is taken from:

Eldest, that’s what I am. Mark my words, my friends: Tom was here before the river and the trees; Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn. He made paths before the Big People, and saw the little People arriving. He was here before the kings and the graves and the Barrow-wights. When the elves passed westward, Tom was here already, before the seas were bent. He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside.

Oh, he’s been around for thousands and thousands of years! Wow! Mmhmm.

The Rings Of Power returns to this alternative version of Middle-earth on August 29th. Rory Kinnear will play Tom Bombadil.

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