Being a Harry Potter fan who is queer or an LGBTQ+ ally has been a challenging journey over the years, to say the least.

For many queer kids, myself included, the series was a refuge during our childhoods, providing a magical alternate reality where we could completely be ourselves. It’s not that Harry Potter is explicitly queer (though the metaphor of a child hidden away from the world in a closet is particularly on point), but the series always felt so inviting — it became a safe place for a large part of an entire generation to escape to for various reasons, queerness being one of them.

In the years since the Harry Potter books were published, various issues with their actual content have been raised, but all have been overshadowed by the overtly anti-trans viewpoints of their author, J.K. Rowling. Since 2017, Rowling has been consistently broadcasting viewpoints that are overtly harmful to trans people — and though she denies she is transphobic, her distaste for trans people is not hard to identify, as documented by Vox. Rowling uses her huge platform to post ideas that threaten the livelihoods and overall well-being of an extremely tiny, extremely vulnerable population, and she seems determined to make sure as many people as possible agree with her. (Reps for Rowling did not immediately respond to POPSUGAR’s request for comment.)

Whether or not you agree with Rowling, one thing is clear: her political beliefs have permanently changed the way many fans see her work.

“I cannot even look at anything Harry Potter related without getting a sick feeling in my stomach because of Joanne’s transphobia,” says a former Harry Potter fan named Samuel, who requested to be identified by only his first name due to safety concerns.

“I don’t understand how anyone could continue loving the series after everything she has done and has continued to do.”

Samuel is one of the many once-devoted Harry Potter fans who say their entire relationship to the series — and the people who still engage with it — has been destroyed by Rowling’s transphobia. As he explains: “Harry Potter used to be the one thing that bonded me and my family. We would go to the movie premieres together, read the books together, and just geek out over it. Another reason why her transphobia has hurt me personally, and not just because I myself am trans, is because it took away a connection between myself and my family, for I refuse to continue to support anything she made but they still continue to support anything Harry Potter related.”

Like many other fans who take issues with Rowling’s views, Samuel has expressed his opinions about the matter online, and this has led to intense transphobia and harassment from loyal Harry Potter fans. “The fandom has become a very toxic place, since many fans choose to continue giving her support financially and vocally despite her constant transphobia,” he says. “These Potterheads will attack any trans person who speaks out against her, and I know this because it has happened to me on Twitter many times.” For Samuel, any participation in the Harry Potter fandom feels like a betrayal. “I don’t understand how anyone could continue loving the series after everything she has done and has continued to do,” he says. “I’ve had her followers come to my Twitter page to misgender, harass, and threaten me with violence for speaking out against her.”