The Meta founder recorded a ‘Get Low’ cover for his wife’s anniversary
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The ear is a remarkably durable part of the human body, capable of withstanding punishing volumes and a lifetime of Q-tip stabbings. However, there are some things that an ear will never recover from.
Mark Zuckerberg’s remix of “Get Low,” featuring T-Pain, is one of them.
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Recorded as a tribute to Zuckerberg’s wife, Priscilla Chan, for the occasion of her birthday, the song also doubles as legal justification for filing for divorce. According to an Instagram post from Zuckerberg, “Get Low” holds special resonance for the couple because it was playing when they met in college, and they listen to it every year on the anniversary of when they began dating. The endearing nature of that tradition has now been obliterated.
You can listen to the song on Spotify (at time of publication, 33,278 people have), but I would not recommend doing that. Hitting play and hearing the first few bars is akin to taking a sip of spoiled milk. Once the song hits the chorus, in which the 40-year-old billionaire croons about sweat dripping down his balls, one begins to question the very nature of why humans create music in the first place and whether it’s an ethical decision to do so. I hope T-Pain received enough hundred-dollar bills to fill up a swimming pool. I do not wish for him to drown in said pool of money, but it would be a fitting next chapter in the twisted-Earth timeline that produced this song. I hope this enables him to pay off whatever terrible debt he must be in. Lil Jon does not appear on this version but presumably also received a Scrooge McDuck-sized sum of money, except with his dignity intact. The one redeeming element of the song is that any proceeds go to the Save The Music Foundation.
If you are of a certain age, you recall when Dynamite Hack pioneered the genre of acoustic guitar rap covers with “Boyz-N-the-Hood” and thus spawned a thousand white buskers strumming the chords to “No Diggity.” Like me, perhaps you were living in an all-male college dorm room at the time, creating a Facebook account using a .edu email address. Even if you did not have this freshman experience, just looking at the art for “Get Low” will likely give off a phantom whiff of Axe body spray.
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Drew Altizer Photography/SFWIRE/Devlin Shand for Drew Altizer Ph
Between this and the 7-foot-tall statue of Chan he recently commissioned for their front yard, Zuckerberg has done some truly romantic peacocking lately. Is there trouble in paradise, with Zuck overcompensating for some domestic strife? Or is the Meta founder simply trying on a wife guy persona, similar to his flirtation with gold necklaces? Maybe he caught up on “Succession” and completely misunderstood the reception of Kendall Roy’s “L to the OG.”
Regardless of the true motivations behind Z-Pain’s “Get Low,” and the new Guinness World Record it has set for cringe, there is actually something endearing about a partnership that could survive the humiliation of a song like this. Chan must really love this dude to be able to listen to this whole song and look from the window to the wall of one of their many mansions without running for the door.
