You know that viral story about Miranda Cosgrove getting trapped on a horny cowboy dating show because she thought she was filming a cute Paris travel series? Yeah, forget everything you thought happened next.

Netflix just shadow-dropped the trailer for The Wrong Paris, a full-length romantic comedy starring Miranda Cosgrove and the exact same 6’4″ Montana rancher, Blake McAllister, who spent last spring trying to lasso her on Lasso My Heart. Except this time, it’s not reality TV. It’s scripted, swoony, and already being called “the horniest Hallmark movie ever made.”

Here’s the insane true(ish) story they turned into cinema gold.

After eight weeks of Miranda politely friend-zoning Blake on national television (while simultaneously breaking ratings records with her “confused Canadian in Texas” energy), something unexpected happened on the final day of filming. With the cameras still rolling for behind-the-scenes footage, Blake took her to watch the sunrise from the actual highest hill on his 40,000-acre ranch. No producers. No challenges. Just two exhausted people, a thermos of terrible coffee, and a sky on fire.

According to everyone who was there (and leaked the audio), Miranda looked at him and said, “You know this whole thing was a mistake, right?” Blake replied, “Best mistake I ever made.” She laughed so hard she cried. He handed her his actual handkerchief (because of course he carries handkerchiefs). Then she kissed him. For real. Not for the rose ceremony. Not for the confessional cam. Just because she wanted to.

The clip leaked. The internet imploded. #MirandaAndTheCowboy trended for eleven straight days.

Instead of letting the moment die in TikTok infamy, Netflix did the most chaotic power move in streaming history: they bought the rights to the leaked footage, hired the original writing team from The Wrong Paris (the wholesome travel show that never existed), and paid Blake McAllister actual movie-star money to play a lightly fictionalized version of himself opposite Miranda, who plays… well, Miranda.

The plot of the film is gloriously unhinged.

Miranda portrays “Mira Costello,” a children’s web-series host who accidentally books herself onto a steamy cowboy dating show in the South of France after mixing up “Paris, Texas” with “Paris, France.” Blake plays “Beau McAllister,” a heartbroken ranch heir who swore off city girls until the one woman who refuses to flirt with him shows up wearing a beret and carrying a ring light.

What follows is ninety-seven minutes of the slowest, hottest burn you’ve ever seen.

There’s a scene where Beau teaches Mira to two-step under the stars and she steps on his boots seventeen times. There’s a rain-soaked sequence where she finally lets him take the soaked hoodie off her (and the camera cuts away exactly when your heart can’t take it anymore). There’s an entire ten-minute stretch where they argue about whether croissants are better than biscuits while sharing one (1) fork, and you will need to pause the movie to breathe.

The chemistry is obscene because it isn’t acting. Netflix kept dozens of real moments from the ranch: the sunrise kiss, the handkerchief, the way Blake says “ma’am” like it’s foreplay, the fact that Miranda still calls horses “big dogs.” They just added dialogue and a happy ending.

Early reviewers are losing their minds:

“I never knew I needed Miranda Cosgrove to whisper ‘yee-haw’ breathlessly, but here we are.”
“This movie made me believe in love, cowboys, and the healing power of extremely tight denim.”
“It’s The Notebook if Ryan Gosling owned 3,000 cattle and Rachel McAdams once played a character named ‘Crazy Steve’s girlfriend.’”

The best part? Miranda and Blake are officially dating in real life now. They spent the press tour finishing each other’s sentences and calling each other “city mouse” and “cowboy” like it’s normal. When asked if the relationship would have happened without the reality-show disaster, Miranda just laughed and said, “I came for the Eiffel Tower and left with a ranch. Life is weird.”

The Wrong Paris is streaming now. It’s rated TV-MA for “intense sexual tension, shirtless rope work, and one extremely enthusiastic hayloft scene.”

Bring a fan. And maybe a passport. You’ll want to book the next flight to anywhere with a cowboy.